


Might as well be dead

by seratonation



Series: Not Dead [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: The Siege, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-03
Updated: 2008-05-03
Packaged: 2017-11-02 06:24:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/365920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seratonation/pseuds/seratonation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney contemplates what happened and what it might mean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Might as well be dead

**Author's Note:**

> contains spoilers for The Siege and Intruder

Rodney knew he shouldn’t be angry. Sheppard had just been doing his job and he couldn’t hold that against him, but it felt like another stupid suicidal stunt, unnecessary. But it _had_ been necessary. He _knew_ that. They had been out of time and even he couldn’t work that fast. But what had scared him the most he’d only figured out hours later, standing in front of Sheppard. _He hadn’t been surprised_. In fact, he’d been resigned. John had died and all he had thought was he’d done it. It was a non-reaction, and that meant that maybe this thing with John wasn’t what he had thought it was; if Sheppard was running of to fly nukes in to spaceships and if he didn’t care then it obviously wasn’t as serious as he’d thought (hoped) it was. 

 

Needless to say he hadn’t been able to sleep. He was at the lab before anyone else, even if Elizabeth had ordered all of them to get some rest. He didn’t stay in the lab to avoid John though; there were just a lot of repairs to do. They had been under siege after all. 

 

John almost ambushed him in the mess when it was his turn to re-fill the lab thermos, but Rodney blew him off. He didn’t see him again until a week later when all the things that urgently needed attention had been attended to and the other things had been assigned to the other science staff. 

 

He was packing for his trip to Earth when his door opened, even though he was sure he’d locked it. Only one person on Atlantis could do that. 

 

“Major Sheppard,” he said coldly, turning around, “What can I do for you?”

 

“Come on Rodney, don’t be like that.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“As if we never had what we had.”

 

“What did we have?” he asked, crossing his arms, knowing it was cruel to even ask, especially since they had only tiptoed around the subject before.

 

“We had… something,” John said, not meeting his eyes, instead looking at the ground, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Well, you might want to think about that the next time you decide to _die.”_  


 

  


_“I’m not dead!”_ John insisted through gritted teeth, lowering his arm, “Stop saying that I am.”

 

Rodney stopped and looked at him, uncrossing his arms. This was new.

 

“I might not even be able to come back to Atlantis, have you even thought about that?” he continued, looking at him now.

 

“What?” he asked frowning, thrown off balance, “Why not?”

 

“Maybe because I’m only filling in? Maybe because I killed the commanding officer? Maybe because of a million other things I’ve done this year!”

 

“I– I didn’t think they’d…” he trailed off. He couldn’t imagine Atlantis without Sheppard.

 

“Yeah,” John nodded, “they would and probably will.” Then he seemed to snap out of it, “Listen, I can see you’re busy, I’ll just…” he pointed at the door behind him with his thumb, and then turned to leave. He stopped. “I’d tell you I’m sorry for going up there, but I’d be lying.” He paused. “I don’t want to lie to you Rodney.”

 

The door swished open.

 

“Wait,” he called out and John stopped, half turning his head, but not meeting his eyes, “I’m sure they’ll figure something out. Elizabeth– we’ll fight for you.”

 

John nodded and walked out.

 

Rodney couldn’t help but feel an air of disbelief in that nod. 


End file.
